Monday, October 27, 2014

The Spider

I wrote this years ago, but lost many of my stories when the blog I kept them at shut down and all was was grateful to find this one today...
The Spider...  (2006)
We went to a Rehab Dinner one night in the little town of Cottonwood. The women cook the best food, luscious pies and the money goes to the Rehab Center which helps those who have had stokes or any type of disability. They do so much good, and at no cost to those who cannot afford it. After we finished eating, it was time to go into the auditorium to listen to the local country bands, Each one has a specified amount of time that they play and sing, such wonderful music, so gifted, so talented, it is a blessing to sit and listen to them. While we were sitting there listening to a beautiful version of Danny Boy, a huge Granddaddy Longlegs spider fell from the ceiling onto Benny's hand, and then it came across onto me, and he flicked it off me, and it landed on the person to my right, ran across her skirt, and the next lady had a cane and she hollered, began to hit at the spider with her cane,the floor and also hitting the chair in front of her, and then it ran across the lady on the end seat, and she jumped up and began to wave her skirt as if she was fanning a fire, and I got down, I was laughing so hard the tears were rolling down my face. I said, “It is only a granddaddy longlegs, it won't hurt you.” to which she replied, “it is still a durn* (*nice version only) spider” and I laughed even harder. Country ways are always great and full of fun. I bet that spider could have won a marathon race.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

The Counting Rooster

Benny has such a funny sense of humor......we have one rooster and four hens...tonight, the rooster was just having a was dark thirty, I walked down there but did not take a flashlight...met Benny after a few minutes coming from the other barn yard....told him the rooster was having a fit..he said he had locked them up for the night, so I walked back to the house...again, the rooster started having a fit, so Benny took a flashlight and went back down to see if somet...hing was in the cage or what was up...well, one of the ladies was not in the he looked around and found her sitting on the fence and he put her back in where she was supposed to be with the others...he came back to the house and I asked him what was wrong...."Well"....he laughed....."that is one smart rooster"..."did you know that he could count ?".....yes, laughter is always going on at my house.....we both laugh every time we look at each other...we have a rooster that can count.....

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

The Two Turkeys

Daughter Debra wrote this a long time ago.....LOL

cartoon goat clipart

The 2 turkeys "Christmas" and "Thanksgiving":

Now my mother, being an intelligent woman, decided to get 2 turkeys and name them "Thanksgiving" and "Christmas" for the day they would be eaten. She , of course, pampered these critters, calling them by name, petting and coddling them, feeding them to make them fat and whistle to make them run to her. Well....2 males in the same yard? Um , no. So showing his prowness, around November, 'Thanksgiving' killed 'Christmas'. Which meant we had to eat him for Thanksgiving, which for the other turkey, meant a reprieve. Only I (Debra) had to pluck the dead bird...not having any idea what I was doing, nor have I EVER plucked a bird. How hard could it be? 
Oh...let me count the ways! First, I had no trouble with the smaller feathers, as they easily came out with a yank. But on the bigger feathers, I had to use a pair of pliers was awful! Secondly, did you know there was stuff that leaked out the end of feathers?? GROSS! Especially for a teenager.
Needless to say, I will never have a 'traditional' Thanksgiving...From now on, I will buy turkey de-feathered and ready to cook.... Oh I forgot the rest of the story!....I bet you were asking yourself, "What ever happened to "Thanksgiving"? My mother became too attached to him to eat him, so ...he became a pet, and later on, she gave him to a friend so he could live out his days with other females....

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Dear Lord, I Cooked the Snake

Old 11/03/08
Dear Lord, I Cooked the Snake !
This has not been a good morning....I am still shaking and upset with myself. I came in from work, started out to feed the animals, backtracked, decided I needed to get a roast on to cook for supper tonight, turned on the skillet to braise the meat, went out to turn on the stove, and as I opened the door, I saw a movement.......I took a quick look, mice are invading our place, but it was a small snake. I do not even remember turning on the oven, I was looking for the snake catcher to rescue it, make a quick call to Senior Citizen's Center for Benny to get home immediately.......I found the snake catcher, grabbed a container to put it in, and as I opened the door to the oven, I realized I had turned it on and the snake was in a coiled position looking at me....Benny came in the door, I am crying, "I BAKED THE SNAKE !". He is now laughing at me as I pulled out the racks, reached in with the snake catcher, and tried to pick up it's head, he is saying "Just pick it up in the fattest part" at this point. I managed to hook it and he, the gentleman that he is, announces........"Let me get the door for you !" as I take it outside. I threw it onto the road to get a better look at it, think it was a rat snake, but I hate snakes. I am shaking all over at this point. I told Benny that I knew God has a great sense of humor and is laughing at me, Benny is getting in his truck, laughing, "I can't wait to get down there (Senior Citizen's) to tell them what your emergency was"....and he is still laughing at me as he backs out of the driveway. I have looked all over that oven inside, I cannot see where that snake got in , he was small in size, I am puzzled, but feel sad that I cooked him ! Maybe I should go back outside and find it and serve it to Benny on a nice layer of salad tonight for his supper. Ray, our neighbor, got a big kick out of watching me coming out of the house with the snake in tow, he told me I could have walked straighter....told me I zigzagged all over...NO DOUBT !

Bob's Funeral

Another funny one I found...years ago....we had lost a family member...
A Family's Farewell
Well, we have attended two funerals in two days. Todays was rough. It was very cold, we are expecting snow/ice starting later tonight.The stories told today were so funny, I had to share them with you. It seems Bob and his buddy got a couple deer and brought them in, and Auntie wanted "her part" so Bob took over her part of the deer. When she unwrapped the package, it was two ears and the tail !!!! They said later on they had a family dinner. All were around the big table, and what a spread there was, when Auntie announced she had fixed a special dish for Bob. She brought out a covered dish and put it in front of him....she had boiled the tail and the ears !! There was a lot of laughter today. They said Bob had his own cathedral, the outdoors, and his choir was the birds that sang. And to top it off, they played his favorite song....Baby's got her blue jeans on.... and they laughed and rocked to the song. Yes, we have a strange family but the memories we share last for a life time .And I do believe, if we listen closely, we can hear Bob whisper,""ain't it nice?"